Pencil And Paper

Le sketch of Atiqa.

Reluctancy

Funny how in a blink of eyes and we're here. Funny how we go through each day, nothing changes but when we turn back, everything is so different. For me it feels like time travels faster than light. Indeed it is. Am I the only one who feels this way or time really moves in an incredibly speed? It feels like it was yesterday I went to Seoul Garden having new year dinner with my siblings, it really feels like yesterday. And wow, it's almost June now? Half a year passed. How time flies huh? How fast is that?

They say time is the universal healer, I hope it could fix this. I don't know what this feeling is but it left me so uneasy and uncertain. Confuse..scared..maybe because of my past experience that I caught myself being so paranoid to social life and scared of everything without any solid reasons. I keep thinking about weird stuffs in head and in the end, I get nothing but only the bad feeling. True, I'm scared. So scared. This is so sick! Ya Allah help me, I don't like feeling this way...tolong lah pergi jauh-jauh perasaan yang entah pape ni. 

P/s; Goodbye old life. Bismillah. 

Sketches

Just this quite recently, I start to hold a pencil again, and sketch. For some reasons it makes me feel so good when I can let the carbon point moves freely on the white sheet. I'm not that good at drawing and my drawings are still 'comot', the shadings are not well-toned, the figures are not so fine. Well I'm just a plain pure amature who has no basic at all in drawing, I didn't go to any special class or something 'cause I just draw for fun. When I uploaded them I got so many positive responses from friends and it made me want to draw more. Because finally I've found something that I'm good at. Some of them asked me to draw their pictures and on the first few days, unexpectedly and unplanned, I've already got orders who want me to sketch 'em and they'd pay for the sketches. I was definately uncertain 'cause you know... is this really can be sold? LOL. But my mind then speaks for me why not I give it a try? There's nothing to lose, no?

So yeahh..this is what I do during my free time now. I sketch for free for those who want me to sketch their pictures to be uploaded on Facebook. And I sketch with a very minimum charge for those who want to have the sketch. Very very cheap, don't worry 'cause I'm just an amature. I draw them on the 33.1 x 23.4 (A1) thick paper, not the usual drawing paper that we use and it takes about minimum 2 days to finish it depends on how much drawings I have to finish up at that time, 'cause the sketch to be sold takes time to draw it, have to make sure it's very fine and worth paying for. Again to be reminded, I'm not as good as the professionals, too far from good in fact, I'm just about to start, still learning and have heaps of things to improve. So it would be much appreciated if you don't compare me with the sketches you see anywhere or like "Elehhh lukis tak lawa mana pun dok buat bagus mana-mana mai.." Yah, I know. I'm just doing this as my hobby anyway and.. I've stopped taking orders for now 'cause I have 4 paid sketches to finish up, and few more to be uploaded. Just few days more left for all these before I get back on the track and need to focus on my study. By that time, I'd stop drawing for a while.

 P/s; Amature, amature, amature.

Clingy

What I don't understand the most is when some people tend to act like they're already tied or something with their partners. They need to tell everything they want to do or anywhere they want to go and who they're going out with, like they have to get their partners' approvals before they can do something. This is so sick. You're not even married yet, you don't have any right at all to interrupt their daily routines, you have absolutely nothing to do with 'em. Nothing at all!

Maybe you might say "Screw up it's their relationships, not yours, why bother?". Well, without you realizing it, this situation indirectly would affect your social life if there are any of your friends are behaving this way. I'm not saying mine but it happens very often in our life no? Like when you're planning to go out anywhere and they're like "Bf I tak bagi laa". What the fuck woman? He's not even your husband he doesn't have any right on you at all, sorry but I find this very stupid and unacceptable. Same goes on the guys' side when they have to ask their girls' permission on going out lepaking at mamak's for football or something and when they're not allowed to, they'd go like "Please sayang, please..please?" LOL. Sweet? Na'a. STUPID.  

Just because you're having an emotion relationship, it doesn't give you any right to put a limit on how they should be socializing and etc. There's a huge difference between caring and controlling yknow. Unless if you're already married, then that's the whole lot different story. You don't like it either if your friends are bound to their partners' in itsy bitsy tiny little thing that they do, do you? Friends are friends, lover is lover. Don't mix it together lah please. Let say, you have this friend and both of you are so close and suddenly she has a boyfriend but you don't. And when you're about to go out together, she tends to involve her boyfriend too in your activities, and all you talk about is only about her boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend and boyfriend! Don't you find it annoying?  

Pencil And Paper

Pencil And Paper

A random dress illustration. Perhaps one day I shall be designing my own wedding dress, or..maybe yours too. Who knows? Ahaa! 

Pencil And Paper

A sketch of Nana.

Day 43.

My blog is getting perfectly plain and boring. Craps. I'm running out of idea about what to write, my fingers somehow been losing the momentum to speed on the keyboard these few weeks and my brain is like freezing everytime I get my eyes on the screen. And I'd stare with a blank look for hours. That's how it goes again and again and again. So I'm just thinking that maybe tonight I shall do some heart-pouring session again. Less drama. Not so emotional since I'm not in the mood of being melodramatic this time.

How's the first month been treating us? Very well I presume. Very perfectly well there's nothing more I would ask for. Not a single argument, misunderstanding or anything unpleasant had occured so far. In fact we're getting..close. Although we don't talk on the phone everyday to avoid the boredom of typical daily routine, but it's great I must say. I'm loving what we have now, it's just..perfect. Giving ourselves some space to miss each other even more but not saying it as frequent as before. I don't want him to get bored..so I told him it was okay if we didn't talk on the phone every night, lets just go..slow and steady. Keep it low, keep the fire under control so it won't burn up and destroy everything. At this point of time lets just be more like...best friends. Lets not push it too hard. It works, it works effectively amazing. 

I was exploring my old broken phone yesterday and I found something that made me smile for the whole night even in my sleep. I still grinned from ear to ear everytime I listened to it. It was a voice recording...of our conversation..two years ago. I couldn't believe it still there. Such a precious memories and I was so glad that I recorded it. To be more exact it wasn't just a normal recording. It was when he sang to me through the phone with his guitar when he was in Uniten for AJL two years ago. Too bad he didn't allow me to put it here. Haha. Everything's just great at this phase. But talking about miss, you have no idea how it feels inside. But that doesn't matter. I love my long distance relationship. It's uh-mah-zing.

All of the old times are in there

Hatred.

I've discovered this one kind of massive eternal hatred in myself towards this one kind of people, some extremest. The name that I call them. Everything they say, every single words that slipped out of their tongue pissed me off real bad. Like so so so, very bad. Disgusted. Euww. Just euuww. Like..f*ck off human! If only I wasn't a girl with manner I'd surely hit them tremendously with words. But I wasn't taught to be rude to people. I know, hating is not healthy to mind and soul thus I shall take this negative elements out of me. I don't like hating either but these people..these people. So..sick! 

Decision Made.

Hello hello pretty fellas~

I'm sorry that lately my blog is so boring and annoying and dramatic and pathetic and full of craps. Pfft please Fatihah no one reads your blog. Whatever. This is the result of my life instability so everything does affect me in a lot of ways including the way I write. The more emotional me writes more crappy emotional posts. LOL. 

Lets talk about life. So yeah..I've made up my mind and to be honest I've never been so confused in my whole life except for this time. Maybe because I'm scared due to my previous experience, so I'm like more...careful to choose 'cause I don't want to do the same 'mistake' again. I hope it will worth it this time. I feel better now. Can't wait start to start a new life.


Oh before I forget! Remember the Tamil movie that I talked about in this post? Yesss I found the web where you can watch it for free with subtitles! Ngeheeee. Wanna watch it? Here you go :D Anyway, sorry again friends. I'll try to write better next time 'cause I get pissed off myself too. LOL.

P/s; Pray for me.